Don Knotts

...is dead. Good man. I've always had a pet theory that he was African American. Large numbers of supposedly white people are actually part black and many don't even know it. I've recolored a picture of Don to show how naturally he appears with his already very African-American features darkened. I've been warned that some people may take this as somehow racist. It isn't. I think if more people realized how racially intermixed we all are it would take a lot of the wind out of any species of biological racism. Anyhow, it's just a theory. I won't explore all the possible ramifications.

Busy Week at the Pottery Barn

It's been a busy week for me, and I feel obligated to make a blog entry just to show I'm still alive. Meanwhile, mosques turned to rubble in Iraq suggest we analyze this situation again from the Pottery Barn paradigm. As we all know, the Pottery Barn Doctrine (PBD) has 3 forms -- 1) If you break it, Pottery Barn will pay for it, throw it away, and get a new one; if you keep on breaking stuff, they'll kick you out; 2) If you break it, you pay for it; 3) If you break it, you fix it. Pottery Barn observes PDB #1. Colin Powell mentioned PDB #2. The Iraq war lengtheners are following PBD #3. We broke it, now we got to stay and fix it. Note that this is in some ways the opposite of PBD #1. In no retail store in the world does breaking merchandise grant one the right to remain indefinitely to try and fix it, particularly if their repair plans entail systematically destroying everything else in the store to effect the repair. The storekeepers of the actual Iraq have been screaming for months, "you've 'helped' enough, now just leave before you 'help' us any more!"

Foreign word for the day: zureparieren, German for "repair to pieces" (at least so Bill Heinz once told me).

On Cheney Shooting his Buddy in the Face

Lots of stuff I've gleaned from around the blogosphere: 1) DC had responsibility to not shoot; 2) Seeming lie about how close to sunset this happened; 3) Illegal -- no permit; 4) Seeming lie on distance to target -- #7 1/2 birdshot would be too dispersed and slow at 30' to account for wounds; 5) Account of beer scrubbed; 6) Reporting delay suggests sobering up, making up a cover story and lawyering up; 7) Initial silence and fact that someone else reported it -- was Plan A just to cover it up? 8) Blaming the victim; 9) Joking about it; 10) Fancy rifle of same kind Kerry was ridiculed for using; 11) Phony nature of hunt; 12) W: either out of the loop or participating in coverup; 13) Victim, though a Republican, still cool.

Elaborating on 13: It's always the good ones that get shot in the face and the heart. It's a terrible thing that this happened to anyone, but still, there's just this little thought that if it had to happen, it would be a little more just, or poetically just, to have this happen to someone with the same vicious streak as the Veep.

Elaborating on 11: I remember reading, maybe in the Atlantic, about how Nicolae Ceaucescu like to hunt bears and brag about his brilliant successes in that area. He had a team of helpers that would stock the forest with big bears, and usher them toward the stand where NC would be waiting, overlooking a clearing baited with food. I think some of the bears were drugged. Similarly, DC enjoys fake hunts where the game is raised in captivity and released right in front of the hunters. I'm not a hunter myself, and tend to see it all as a bit barbaric, but I can appreciate there being some challenge and suspense when you must stalk the prey, use your wits, maneuver to gain a target, practice some marksmanship. Here we have hunting for idiots. They do everything but the damn bird in a cage for you. It reduces the hunt to its basest essence: take one of God's creatures that is beautiful and alive, get drunk, kill it, and laugh at the mindless destruction. That sounds just pitiful.

Elaborating on 9: No one has linked to the lyrics of Tom Lehrer's "The Hunting Song" -- so I will.

More Miscellany

1. Local news. I caught the local news in Milwaukee a couple of times last week and noticed two reports on channel 4 that stood in stark contrast to their ads promising to do "the right thing" by going the extra step to "investigate" and not just "report" the news. One concerned a woman a couple of whose kids were found in a boarded-up house down the street from me. The report showed that this was a black neigborhood, stated or suggested that the woman had 14 kids, all living with her, and was pregnant, and that the kids ran away because they were abused. None of these things were actually true. These racially stereotyped depictions came from the police department and were essentially repeated as fact without bothering to get the other side. Another report talked about protesters showing up at military funerals, and left the impression that local anti-war activists were involved. No information was given on the protesters, who are actually part of the far-right fringe and not so much anti-war, as stalwarts of the line that 9-11 (as well as every military death, hurricane or flood) is a divine punishment for toleration of gays and other liberalism. This story could have been embarassing for the right, since some of this loony doctrine comes straight out of the Christian Coalition that forms a base of "mainstream" Republicans.

2. Thanks, Tom! We have a neighbor, Tom, who offered to cut our grass, but when we said okay, he trimmed the lawn, weed-whacked all our bluebells, killed our rosebush and two beautiful trees, all things we told him to be very careful not to do. When he was all done destroying our yard, he asked if could be paid extra for having done everything we told him not to, since it was extra work for him.

When it comes to displaying gratitude for the U.S. military, I think of Tom. Poor idiot. He worked hard, he went the extra mile, did all sorts of extra killing for me that I didn't want. I felt some sympathy for him. I didn't sue him. But I wasn't about to say thank you either. So, no, I won't thank the soldiers who are using neo-napalm and white phosphorous in my name to kill people against my wishes, ruining and squandering my nation's wealth and reputation, and making me less safe.

I saw Ted Rall getting ambushed on Hannity and saw his reaction when Hannity made a reference to our armed forces as granting us the freedom to dissent. Rall was right on when he said, no, it was the Constitution, not the military that grants us this freedom. Though Hannity was right in one respect, the military has the guns, so they could always just shoot us dissenters. It's probably a good thing that they think their job is to protect us, even if they never do. The last time the U.S. military acted with relative clarity to defend the freedoms of Americans was during the War of 1812. (I don't cite the Civil War because in effect, the military was on both sides of that one.)

The fact is that the U.S. military is the enemy of freedom. In the colonial era, the local militias protected the property rights of slaveowners by helping track down escaped slaves. Their successors, the state militias, continued this service for the early republic.

In the Anti-Federalist papers, Brutus wrote that “it is indeed impossible that the liberties of the people in any country can be preserved where a numerous standing army is kept up.” Samuel Adams stated that “a Standing Army, however necessary it may be at some times, is always dangerous to the Liberties of the People.”

The Civil War began on April 12, 1861 when, General P.G.T. Beauregard opened fire upon Fort Sumter. Otherwise, the armed forces were mainly involved in brutal wars of expansion, wantonly killing Native Americans who were the ancestors of today’s Native American citizens, taking over a third of Mexico (and largely failing to honor the freedoms of those living in this territory, despite their protection in the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo). In wars that were strictly foreign, it was the rights of American businesses that were being helped. As recounted by General Smedley Butler:

I spent 33 years and four months in active military service and during that period I spent most of my time as a high class muscle man for Big Business, for Wall Street and the bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism. I helped make Mexico and especially Tampico safe for American oil interests in 1914. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefit of Wall Street. I helped purify Nicaragua for the International Banking House of Brown Brothers in 1902–1912. I brought light to the Dominican Republic for the American sugar interests in 1916. I helped make Honduras right for the American fruit companies in 1903. In China in 1927 I helped see to it that Standard Oil went on its way unmolested.

When not off to war, the Army and National Guards kept their focus on killing striking workers and their families, from the great railroad strike of 1877 to the Pullman Strike of 1884 to the steel strike of 1919. Most infamous was the Ludlow massacre of April 20, 1914, in which 20 people were killed, most of them women and children from the families of coal miners.

And of course, Army Intelligence began from World War I onward to monitior domestic dissent. Most famously, military units monitored Martin Luther King I, II, and III from the 1940s onward. In reaction to media allegations of illegal army intelligence activities during the Vietnam War, the army chief of staff formed the ACSI (Assistant Chief of Staff for Intelligence) Task Force in early 1971.

And the National Guard continued to kill protesters. On May 4, 1970 four students were shot dead in the Prentice Hall parking lot at Kent State University by National Guardsmen during a protest against the U.S. invasion of Cambodia: Allison Krause, Jeffrey Miller, Sandra Scheuer, and William Schroeder. On May 14, 1970 at Jackson State University in Jackson, Mississippi, protesters Phillip Gibbs and James Earl Green were shot dead, and 15 people wounded.

And in Iraq, the Committee to Protect Journalists notes that 17 reporters were killed by “coalition” forces. Bush considered the total destruction of Al Jazeera, which suffered a series of actual attacks.

So yeah, thanks a bunch for protecting my free speech.

3. Offensive cartoons. Just two quick observations on the ruckus surrounding the Danish cartoons some of which are justifiably deemed deeply offensive by Muslims. 1) In many places, Muslims are reasonable in seeing the West as mobilized in a Crusade against them; this is certainly not the case everywhere, but where Muslims are oppressed, deprecatory speech against them symbolizes the attitudes upon which violence against them is predicated. Such circumstances stretch free speech to its limit because there is a clear and present danger in such circumstances. It is the reason why the publishers of an earlier run of anti-Semitic cartoons could be executed for helping to fuel genocide. This is something most of us in the West don't get. 2) Those who violently protest the cartoons, as opposed to those that simply decry them, seem to have their anger greatly exacerbated by a failure to understand how much the other side just doesn't understand. They exaggerate the degree to which the delf-described supporters of "free speech" consciously support the nasty message. They would find it much easier to appreciate the I-hate-your-message-but-respect-your-rights position if they understood how clueless many people are that take that position.

4. Politicizing funerals. Someone devotes their life to fighting for a progressive ideal, they die, and then people who’ve been on the opposite side want their two cents on the funeral. It happened with Paul Wellstone, and now with Coretta Scott King.

So, friend, (I’ll call you friend, though it would be perhaps be more accurate to describe you by make, model, and serial as 2006 GOP talking points auto-repeating relay station number 3386Z) you didn’t like the role politics played at Coretta Scott King’s funeral? Well, tough beans! Who the hell are you to say what her funeral should be like? When you die, you can have whatever kind of funeral you want. Until then, nobody should give a fig what you think.

For Bush to show up at a funeral of someone whose goals he’s spat upon for decades was nothing more than a sham to pick up underserved political points. If he showed at my funeral, I would hope my real friends would have rotten tomatoes on hand with which to pelt the interloper and thereby celebrate my life.

But credit where due: great way to change the topic.

Reggie White

The induction won't take place until August, but as of a few days ago, it was official that Reggie White will be joining the NFL hall of fame. This reminds me of some thoughts I had 18 months ago when Reggie died of sarcoidosis. Before sarcoidosis was mentioned, the family was oddly secretive, or so it seemed from local news here, mentioning only some vague respiratory illness. This immediately made me think Reggie had developed AIDS. In fact, it turns out that sarcoidosis has been connected with the onset of AIDS therapy. While there's no good evidence that this what actually happened, it would make for a certain irony, given Reggie's homophobic rants. As Wayne Besen noted in the New York Blade:

Known as the “Minister of Defense,” White is most memorable to me as an offensive minister who allowed thousands of young athletes to justify their hatred toward homosexuals in the name of God.
AFTER HIS DEATH, we heard a lot about how he helped inner-city youth, but how many young lives did he potentially destroy with his forceful condemnations of homosexuality?
To listen to the cooing media, you would think that these gay youth were expendable
in White’s war against homosexuals. And make no mistake, White was as homophobic as they come.
“Gay activists are trying to force their agenda on our children and society, and it bothers me,” White said in an interview with Citizen Magazine. “When you look at the gay agenda, their thing is that they deserve the same rights as other minorities, particularly black people. That is very offensive.”
When asked why he picked gay bashing as his personal crusade, White compared homosexuality to unflattering behaviors.“You don’t have men and women who commit adultery who are activists for adultery, or liars who are activists for lying,” White told Citizen.
In 1998, White appeared in a full-page ad in USA Today sponsored by 15 groups including the Christian Coalition and The Family Research Council. The ad claimed to tell the “truth” about homosexual recruitment in public schools and how AIDS activists have misused AIDS funding to promote homosexuality to elementary kids.
Fortunately, by the time White appeared in this ad, much of the public already viewed him as an embarrassing ignoramus.
IN AN INFAMOUS speech to the Wisconsin State Legislature, White proclaimed that Asians can turn a TV into a watch, blacks excel at celebration and dance, Latinos can fit 20 or 30 people into one house, and whites are great with money.
White can also be attributed with helping accelerate the trend of tying sports performance to fundamentalist religious belief. Now we can’t turn on the TV without some egocentric millionaire jock giving God credit for his touchdown.
But the Reggie White school of prayer seemed as much about chest thumping as Bible thumping. He was the high priest in the Temple of Intolerance, where his muscle-bound flock read from the Book of Testosterone. The anti-gay attitude exemplified by White and his holy-steamrollers can still be seen today in abusive high school locker rooms across America.

Miscellany

1. Why I Blog I had wanted to start a blog for a while, but I started this a few days ago pretty much spontaneously as a result of wanting to post a comment on... Well, I don't even remember, or I'd provide a link. Whatever it was, you needed to be registered to post, and so the next thing you know I have a blog. That's an ass backwards way of getting into blogging. And it explains in part why my blog so far won't win any awards. I'm pretty busy, and I got bumped into this without preparing myself for any serious effort. I used to do a newspaper column; eventually this'll get good.

2. Gangs Within the last few days I saw an episode of Law and Order premised on the idea of criminal street gangs that are so pervasive and uncontrollable that they effectively thwart the justice system through intimidation. If it were really as bad as depicted, it would warrant a drastic solution -- like creating some jobs and legalizing the drug trade. The latter move would use the genius of the market to slash drug prices and expose the gangs to cutthroat competition, leaving them with no monetary support or incentive to exist. The former would provide an alternative and deprive the gangs of soldiers. My experience, however, only partially supports the nightmare scenario depicted on TV. It is not so much the enormous power of the gangs, so much as the ineptitude of the police, whose work supports the gangs. In a couple of cases I've been involved with, there's a murder -- one gang leader knocks off a competitor over drug money. The police investigate and find nothing. Two years go by. Then suddenly, there are witnesses who pin the murder on X. What's going on? Is X guilty? More likely, the gang has decided to get rid of X, circulates the story of how X did it, and uses the police to get rid of X. Other cases, X leaves the gang; police arrest X, again, doing the gang's dirty work. X is a small time dealer, operating without the sanction of the gang. X is arrested, the price of drugs is kept high for the gangs, etc., etc. I read the police reports regarding the murder of "Little Dave," allegedly taken out by the gangster who took his cut from the drug trade one corner up, for conducting an unauthorized 2-for-1 sale on rock cocaine. I notice "Little Dave" has the same surname as the jailed chief of the gang. The police apparently didn't.

3. Jew it Together Here are some alternative lyrics, instead of "why don't we do it together":

You're a jew
And I am too
And since that's true,
Why don't we jew it together?

So tag along
Over to the synagogue
We'll hear about G-d
While we jew it together.

4. Mine Safety and Cuba Travel In the wake of the Sagoe mine disaster, there have been some interesting reports about Bush Administration cutbacks concerning mine safety. One connection I have not seen mentioned anywhere is the removal of administrative judges from duty hearing mine safety cases in order to prosecute tourists who have made "illegal" (but Constitutionally protected) trips to Cuba. It's possible this shift contributed to a loss of safety but more likely it simply represents the misplaced priorities of the administration.

5. Terrorist Evolution Recent headline regarding Hamas asks if "terrorist" groups can evolve. I didn't read the article, and expect it casts Hamas somewhat unfairly, but I like the question because the answer is obvious and should be acknowledged. Dig deep into many legitimate parties and you will find a history of individualist violence. I think the FMLN in El Salvador is a paradigm case. Among its components, the ERP really began as a small group of radicals with a misguided notion of igniting a rebellion by performing acts of demonstrative violence. At the opposite end of the scale, the PCS insisted on coming to power by competing in elections that were rigged and which they would never be allowed to win. As both groups and others were mowed down and failed to achieve their ends, pragmatism forced PCS to accept armed struggle and ERP to conform their actions to principles of human rights. There is evolution; it goes both ways. All groups compromise in the direction of what works. They also improve their capabilities. Terrorism is an option available to nascent groups without much power, which cannot engage in more sophisticated politico-military action.

6. Japanese Imperial Succession Recent story that the Diet is considering legislation to allow females to succeed to the Japanese Imperial throne. I know it's not unprecedented, but it still strikes me as illogical and perversely wierd that hereditary succession of divinely drawn power would be the subject of a vote. I like the idea, though, of constructing a complex and bizarre set of rules for emperorship. First, several succession lists are constructed, one based on family relationship to the current emporor, another based on the next ten names alphabetically in a list of all people living in Japan, another made up by the emporer. Then the list is vetted according to a set of criteria to measure "Japaneseness": eight points for being a citizen, six points for each Japanese parent, three points for liking sushi, two points for knowing karate, etc. Then the top listed candidates duel it out in contests of skill: a talent competition, feats of strength and grace, Simpson's trivia. The emperor then agrees to terms of leadership: like Miss America, he can be removed for profaning the crown.


7. Bad Trip Here's a bathroom sink turning into Donald Rumsfeld.
























8. Teaser I'll post soon with a few other notes: on Reggie White, and on the Local News.

Concealed Carry and Iran

Right now Wisconsin is on the verge of possibly passing a really stupid concealed carry law. The rationale of its advocates is that if there is a possibility of someone being armed with deadly force, a would-be assailant will think twice before striking them.

If that's true, and it is in fact a basic psychological truth that somewhat unpredictable sanctions are optimally effecive, then the key to world peace is to arm all the nations of the earth.

So, instead of fearing that Iran will acquire a nuclear arsenal, we should do the following. We will give Iran and any other country that wants them a small nuclear weapons capability. To assure that the arsenal is used for defense only, 80% of the weapons at random, will be rendered inoperable, and the identities of the functional weapons disclosed to no one.

No one will mess with these countries, if this theory is correct, for fear of nuclear retribution, even if the chance is under 50%. The fear of losing one major city is likely to make a potential aggressor risk averse. On the other hand, the aggressive use of such weapons would be foolhardy. It will probably achieve nothing militarily, but it will eliminate the user's key defense while at the same time bringing down potential retribution from the world for its first strike.

The government under Reagan sent its emissaries to Iran once with a bible and a cake and some missles, and that failed to make the Ayatollahs our friends. But maybe sending the new government there a few nukes would be received as a more serious gesture.